The Story of Me *tonight*

In bed is where I lay
as my hands rest upon the keyboard.
My mind is astray, attempting to
distract a broken heart from what it can’t afford.

A girl, aching for nothing but love,
left only with disappointing heartache.
I push and shove, push and shove,
these flooding emotions until the gates break.

I’m drowning in the overspilling feels,
constant waves of lost hope,
no one there to heal the ever growing
black hole that threatens to swallow me whole.

| c.l.s | 2014

Life’s Palate

The apple of my eye,
the fruit of my choice.

An apple a day makes me happy
because I love apples, right…?

Or does an apple every day
suddenly leave me craving strawberries,
something with a new flavor,
something a little less boring…?

The apple will always have my heart,
if for no other reason than habit,
but my mouth will still crave other fruit

Or maybe the other fruit will help me realize
just how much I do love the apple.

And this is why I think I’ll never be able to commit
because instead of finding new ways to have the apple,

people choose to dip into the fruit pool,
and return or not, I am not okay with it.

| c.l.s | 2014

Living Heroin

I have always been anti drugs—
zero tolerance—
no place for them in my life,
but there are you—
my living heroin.

I’m completely and utterly addicted
to your presence,
your touch, 
your voice.

You are comfort and safety,
familiarity.

You are heartwrenching.

You’re not mine to keep,
only borrowed
at your convenience.

You’re love and warmth;
you are my calm
and you…

are hers.

Cut you loose?
I think the withdrawal
would be too much.

Continue taking you in doses,
knowing it’s wrong?
I think I’ll overdose.

Either way,
my future shows
destruction.

| c.l.s | 2014

One take

I am not a starving actress
auditioning to be your main character.
I will not fight for a place in your life,
much less to be an extra in the background.
You have me here open, honest, exposed.
You can choose to take me as I am
or watch me as I go,
but don’t for a second think
you can take the role of director
or write me in and out when you please.

| c.l.s | 2014

I don’t think love is letting someone go. I don’t think love is telling someone that you love them and always will but you can’t be together. That’s not love. Love isn’t something that dies. It doesn’t go away. It’s something worth fighting for and working through. Love is finding a way no matter what the obstacle.

Prove to me that love is letting go, saying goodbye, that love is heartache and pain, moving on. And I’ll show you a girl forever alone because that’s not love. I won’t accept it.

sweetestramblings

Mini vacation

sweetestramblings:

I just booked a hotel for tomorrow (1 night) in the town I live in because they have an indoor pool/hot tub/sauna for a friend (girl) and I so that we could get a break from our depression and house and life for a night.

Is it sad that I just paid over $100 for some hopeful soul restoring while I pretend I’m not in this place or worth it? That’s rhetorical. 

On the agenda is water therapy (pool/hot tub), body detoxing (sauna), take out from whatever place we choose, maybe a little drinking, lounging & tv watching after pool hours. 

T minus 2 hours

Mini vacation

I just booked a hotel for tomorrow (1 night) in the town I live in because they have an indoor pool/hot tub/sauna for a friend (girl) and I so that we could get a break from our depression and house and life for a night.

Is it sad that I just paid over $100 for some hopeful soul restoring while I pretend I’m not in this place or worth it? That’s rhetorical. 

On the agenda is water therapy (pool/hot tub), body detoxing (sauna), take out from whatever place we choose, maybe a little drinking, lounging & tv watching after pool hours.